Yarning Quiet Ways

Yarning with teenagers

teenagers

Teenagers will start to think more about who they are. Part of finding out 'who am I?' is to get their head around sexuality including feeling attractive, loved, popular, good enough and fitting in. While it might seem like teenagers these days know a lot about sex, they probably have a lot of questions and may even be feeling nervous or unsure about things. Research shows that teenagers value sexuality education and want more opportunities to talk about sex and relationships.

  • You can try to start yarning by asking questions like "What do you and your friends think about people your age having sex?"
  • Having sex for the wrong reasons can make you feel disappointed, lonely, sad, used or unloved. Having sex when you are ready is more enjoyable.
  • A young person might know that they are ready for sex when they:
    • are over 16
    • know how to stay safe from sexually transmissible infections by using condoms
    • feel right about having sex
    • feel comfortable with the person they want to have sex with
    • know that they can say no, and that would be okay, but still want to do it
    • don't feel forced
    • don't feel scared (being a bit nervous is usually normal)
    • care for the other person and the other person cares for them
    • aren't doing it to be popular
    • aren't doing it to make someone love them
    • aren't doing it to stop the other person from leaving them
    • are ready for a baby or know how to stop getting pregnant if they don't want a baby.

It is important that your kids know that any kind of touching in a sexual sort of way is against the law if either person is under 16 years of age, or doesn't want it to happen or changes their mind. Read more in the pamphlet What the law says about sex (external site).

  • Lots of parents don't want to tell their kids about safe sex because they don't want kids to get the wrong idea. One way of starting the yarn might be to say, "I care about you, and even though I don't want you to do this, I do want to make sure that you look after yourself and others."
  • Before having sex, everyone should know:
    • you can't make a safe choice about sex when you are drunk or high
    • a girl can get pregnant any time she has sex including the first time
    • a girl can get pregnant even when she has her period or has just finished it
    • a girl can still get pregnant even if a man's pulls out his penis out before he 'cums'
    • Implanon (the Rod), injections (Depo) or oral contraception (the Pill) don't protect girls from sexually transmissible infections (STIs); they just stop pregnancies
    • a girl can't get pregnant from oral sex but can catch an STI
    • condoms are the best way to keep people who have sex safe from STIs and unwanted pregnancies at the same time
    • not having sex is the only way to be 100% sure you won't have a baby or catch an STI.
  • STIs include chlamydia, gonorrhoea, syphilis, HIV and hepatitis B.
  • Most people can feel OK and not know they have an infection even though it is making them sick on the inside. You can't tell if someone has an STI just by looking at them.
  • If someone has had sex without a condom they should quickly go to the clinic or GP for an STI test (even if they don't have any signs). Treatments are available.
  • If people don't get medicine for STIs quickly they can get sick. Some STIs like chlamydia can make it hard for men and women to make babies. Syphilis and gonorrhoea can pass from mums to babies and the babies can get sick or die.
  • Sexting is sending someone sexual photos, images, messages or videos using a mobile phone, email or posting on the internet.
  • It is against the law to look at, send or keep sexual photos/videos of someone under 18 years old. These images are considered child pornography.
  • Tell your kids:
    • not to take any sexual photos/videos
    • if they have sent sexual photos/videos to someone, they should ask the person to delete them
    • if they find a sexual photo/video of themselves on the internet, there are ways of reporting it
    • if someone sends them a sexual photo/video they should delete it and tell someone they trust if they are worried. They can call the Kids Helpline (external site) for advice.
  • There is also lots of good information about sexting at the website of the Office of the Children's e-Safety Commissioner (external site)
  • You should also tell your kids to be careful of people they 'meet' online. There are some adults who use the internet to enter into sexual relationships with children. Sometimes these adults pretend to be kids. To find out more, visit the WA Police (external site) website.
  • You can't control who your child is attracted to. It is something that happens naturally and can't be changed.
  • People might not 'know' their sexuality until they're much older so just give your kids time to grow up and work out who they are.
  • It is a good idea to show your kids that you are open to yarning about these things. For example, you might use something you see on TV to say something good about lesbian, gay or bisexual people or about parents who support their kid's sexuality.
  • If your kid tells you they are lesbian, gay or bisexual, remember that they are probably very scared and worried that people won't love them anymore. Telling you is a brave thing to do.
  • If you don't know what to say, it is OK to be honest. Maybe say something like, "When I grew up this wasn't something that people talked about so I feel like I have a lot to learn."