Yarning Quiet Ways

Yarning with bigger ones

School children having lunch together

At this age, many kids will start to notice changes in their friends' and classmates' bodies, or their own. Kids might start to feel attracted to other people and might become interested in having 'boyfriends' and 'girlfriends'. Having lots of little yarns about these things will help your child feel less confused about all the changes they are seeing and experiencing.

  • Start yarning with kids about puberty. This table shows the changes that kids can expect.

    Changes at puberty Boys Girls
    Grow taller and gain weight X X
    Hair grows in armpits and around genitals  X X
    Hair grows on upper lip and chin X Some
    Sweat more X X
    Get spots and acne on face, neck, chest and back X X
    Feel emotional or moody or very 'giggly' and excited X X
    Voice deepens X  
    Testicles start to make sperm X  
    Experience erections and 'wet dreams'  X  
    Ovaries start to release eggs (ova)   X
    Breasts grow Some X
    Hips widen   X
    Menstruation (period) begins   X
    Have feelings of attraction towards others X X
  • Maybe tell your kids when you started seeing changes in your own body.
  • Girls usually start puberty before boys.
  • Make sure kids know that changes can come fast for some people and slow for other people. Both ways are normal and OK.
  • Talk to kids about how you felt when your body started changing and share any funny stories you remember.
  • This is called masturbating.
  • Just let kids know that masturbation is normal but that it is something to do in private.
  • If you find your kid looking at pornography, try not to make them feel shame.
  • Say that sex is for older people and that pornography will give them the wrong idea about what sex is like.
  • Lots of pornography is very violent. Remind your kids that violence is not OK and that respect is an important part of sex.
  • There are lots of websites to help you keep your kids safe on the internet. Look at the Office of the Children's e-Safety Commissioner website (external link) for some good tips.
  • If you are worried that your kid is taking or getting naked pictures on their phones, make sure you read about sexting in the Yarning with Teenagers section.
  • Start yarning about the good things and bad things about having a boyfriend or girlfriend.
  • Remind kids how babies are made.
  • If you think your kid might be having sex (or looking to have sex) read the Yarning with Teenagers section.
  • Boys at this age might start to get more erections. This is when the penis gets hard and sticks out from the body. Boys can get erections because they are nervous or excited or sometimes for no reason at all. Tell boys that getting an erection can be embarrassing but that it is a normal part of growing up.
  • Boys might also start getting wet dreams (or 'nocturnal emissions'). This is when sperm and semen comes out of a boy's penis when he is sleeping. Boys might feel scared or shame when this happens. Let them know that it is normal and that it is happening because their testicles are starting to make sperm. Tell boys that they might need to put their pyjamas or sheets in the wash if this happens.

  • During puberty, girls will get their periods. Lots of girls can get very scared if they don't know what's happening so it's important to yarn to girls about this change. Here are some words that might help:

    When a girl starts puberty, her ovaries start to let go one egg about once a month. The egg travels towards the uterus (or womb).

    The uterus gets ready for the egg to arrive by making a thick, soft lining. If the egg joins with a man's sperm it will grow in the uterus and become a baby.

    If a sperm doesn't join with the egg, the egg and the soft lining of the uterus will come out through the vagina. It will look like thick blood and is called a period.

    To soak up the blood, girls can use a pad (which goes on the underwear) or a tampon (which is put in the vagina).

    Periods will happen every month until the woman is about 50.

  • Jean Hailes (a woman's health organisation) has also made a great video called All you need to know about periods (external site) that you might like to show to help explain what to expect. Yarning about Periods (external site) is also a useful Fact Sheet to use.
  • Here are some other things that you can do to help girls when they get their periods:
    • give her a special pencil case or wallet to keep a pad or tampon in just in case
    • help her find which toilet at school has a bin for pads and tampons
    • talk about who to go to at school if she needs clean underwear, or a pad or tampon
    • show her how to make an 'emergency' pad out of toilet paper
    • show her how and where to soak blood-stained undies (in cold water) at home before putting them in the wash
    • tell her she needs to change her pad/tampon about every four hours.